E-Wishes Part II

As promised on the eve of Christmas (December 22) , I have collected some of the more interesting Christmas and New Year messages received during the festive season. E-mails I am sending this message early to avoid the last minute message clutter. At the end of a year most of us invariably look back to everything that happened, and more often than not, what didn't happen! We tend to focus on everything we didn't do, often forgetting why we never got round to doing them, and end up feeling disappointed and depressed about it. What happened to all the New Year's Resolutions, not the silly ones, but the ones you really wanted to get to this year? If we aren't careful, we end up dwelling in cesspool of our so-called failures and end up in the darkness of despair. Don't let that happen to you. Let's look forward to a New Year with great hope. Why not make a conscious decision to use this month as your doorway to the future, wipe your feet on the disappointments of the past and leave them behind in the dirt beneath your feet! Use the season of goodwill to celebrate your family and the values you hold dear. Spend time together and build at the relationships that are important to you. Please travel safely. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I wish to send some holiday greeting to my friends, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my attorney yesterday, and on his advice I choose to say the following: Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter/summer solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that it is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Happy New year, Happy Birthday, Happy Valentine's day , Happy Easter , Happy Madaraka Day, Happy Moi and Jomo day, Happy Ramadhan And Idd day, Happy Jamuhuri Day, Happy Diwali, Happy labour day, Happy That free Public Holiday for Kibaki & lucy Good morning x 365 days, Goodnight x 365 days, have a nice day x 365 days, Merry Christmas. God bless you x 52 Sundays ,oh and if I said I love you this year pliz don’t ask me again next year I will still feel the same till I tell you otherwise!!!!!!!!! I'm done with you for 2007 in Advance!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pls don't bother me!!! Text messages

• I have deposited prayers, love, joy, prosperity, peace and laughter and all blessings in your bank account. Use without limit. The pin code is merry x-mass and a happy new year!
• Uji-enjoy siku ya krismasi, hiyo ni siku yenu….si ni kweli? Ni lazima ukubali na roho yako wewe mwenywe. Lakini sio kuregarega kule na kule kwa sababu wewe ni yule yule, na utabaki pale pale huko ukifanya kazi hiyo. Sisi tutakuwa hapa hapa tu maana hiyo ndio kitu ya maana! Na hatuwezi kukataa maana, tutakataa namna gani? Tutakubali tu! Tukikataa hiyo itakuwa ni ukumbavu, bure kabisa! Merry xmas!
• The Lord has opened a bank account for you- No. 2007 at Universal Bank of Blessings. Your new balance is 365 DAYS. May you continue to enjoy his presence & love through out the year- happy New Year!
• The year 2007 is a year of HARVESTING, did you plant in 2006? If you did not, you have exactly 4 days to do so. God loves you.

• On behalf of Bill Gates, Roman Abramvuch, King Fahd of Saudia Arabia, HM The Queen of England, George Bush, Osama Bin Laden, Wayne Rooney, Didier Drogba, David Beckham, myself and other rich and famous people in the world, wish you a happy new year.

• A relaxed mind, A peaceful soul, A joyful Spirit, A healthy body, A heart full of love. These are my prayers for you and your family this year!

• May the fleas of 1000 camels infest the balls ot the idiot who tries to mess your 2007, and may his hands be too short to scratch them! Happy New Year!

• Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbours and let each New Year find you a better man! Happy New Year!